


Icarus

by Singittome



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, the one that got away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 15:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singittome/pseuds/Singittome
Summary: Yuri and Otabek started missing out on each other while they were still kids and Yuri was foolish, really, to think that things will change with time.





	

_Drinking champagne meant for a wedding,_

_a toast to the groom, a fairytale ending_

* * *

 

As time goes by, looking at Viktor and Katsudon being all lovey dovey becomes unbearable not because they're cheesy and gross (even though they still are) but for an entirely different reason.

It's simple, really.

The two of them got their happily ever after.

Yuri did not.

***

It's not like he thought that he and Otabek would be endgame.

(It's not. Really.)

It's not like he thought that the story ends with the two of them riding off into the sunset on Otabek's motorcycle with Yuri's arms wrapped firmly around Otabek like nothing else in the world exists.

(It's not. Definitely.)

It's just that...

"It didn't work." he tells Katsudon when asked about his last visit to Almaty. Katsudon doesn't ask about Otabek again.

***

Yuri and Otabek started missing out on each other while they were still kids, so he was really foolish to think that anything would change with time.

***

He's ten and Otabek was thirteen, too small and clumsy and slouched to dance. Yakov and Madame Baranovskaya yell and bark and rage and Otabek falls and falls and falls.

It's Yuri who helps

"You do it like this." he demonstrates, fixes Otabek's posture, holds his arm in place. "Like this and this and this."

"Look me up when you're in Russia." he tells Otabek when the summer is over.

"I will." Otabek smiles.

He does not.

***

He's fifteen and Otabek is eighteen when they meet again in Barcelona and they're the Fairy of Russia and the Hero of Kazakhstan and it's so fucking easy to fall for Otabek in a single day because...

he's observant. And clever. And sharp as a razor. A quiet avalanche to Yuri's raging storm.

Yuri wins his first gold and Otabek places fourth.

"Call me when you're free." He tells Otabek when the banquet is over."

"I will." Otabek promises.

He does not.

***

Yuri is sixteen and Otabek is nineteen when they see each other at the Worlds again - and Yuri is willing to forget the silence that lasted between them for months because it's so easy to fall back into the rhythm of talking to Otabek. You don't eve have to try.

Yuri wins silver, and Otabek bronze. Viktor wins the gold on his last competition and this time when he smiles with a gold medal proudly displayed around his neck, his smile is honest.

"You could just...text." Yuri tells Otabek when the competition is over. "If you prefer that."

"I will." Otabek promises.

He doesn't.

***

Viktor and Katsudon get married in July, and Yuri is happy to have a reason to fly to Hasetsu. His training is vigorous and a few days of vacation do him good. The ceremony is held on the little gray beach, short and sweet, and all of the skaters show up.

All but one.

***

Yakov dies from a stroke in the fall of 2018 and madame Baranovskaya retires.

Stranded, that's what Yuri is.

He ends up with a new coach who wants to change his image and cut his hair and doesn't seem to stop fucking things up and Yuri ends up injuring his ankle and missing the Olympics completely. He watches from home as Otabek wins gold and Katsudon wins silver and smashes his phone against the wall.

It never rings anyway.

***

The Grand Prix that year was his worst. He places fifth and hurts his bad leg even more. Otabek gives him a sad little smile - he wins silver. Katsudon earns his first gold, presses a kiss into Yuri's cheek and retires.

"You could just...reply." He says to Otabek when the competition is over. "Just one word, so that I know you don't hate me."

"I will." Otabek promises.

He doesn't.

***

The next spring he tells his new coach to fuck off and digs Viktor and Katsudon from their retirement. He shows up at the doors of their Hasetsu summer home and only takes a little convincing.

***

He's nearly nineteen and Otabek is twenty one when they meet at the Grand Prix final again.

Yuri wins gold and breaks Katsudon's world record. Katsudon cries, but it's happy tears. Otabek wins silver and as they descend the podium and move away from the crowds Yuri yanks him down by the collar and kisses him.

Otabek blinks.

"I'm sorry." Yuri hisses. "I forgot you made it clear that you couldn't care less about me."

"It's not you." Otabek shakes his head. "It's just that...everything is pretty messed up for me at the moment. It's... hard to text back."

"I understand." Yuri says. He does not.

"I'll call you." Otabek smiles. "Promise."

He does.

***

Yuri's phone rings after practise. And the next day too. Otabek isn't good at conversations but they talk about nonsence or just listen to each other breathe.

It's a small thing and there aren't any promises but Otabek never said that it would be more.

***

He's nineteen and Otabek is twenty one when Yuri visits him in Almaty for the first time - Otabek waits for him at the airport and looks worse than ever, exhausted and worn out and his flat is a shithole that hasn't seen a vacuum cleaner in months.

Yuri learns that Otabek skates and works at a bar to provide for five siblings and a sick mother, and balances that with college. He shows him the city in the afternoon and leaves in the evening to work a night shift, leaving Yuri alone with a mouldy couch and a blanket.

Yuri thinks he's starting to understand.

During the remainder of the week he does whatever he can do to make it easier - he buys some cleaning supplies and makes the place smell better and fills the cupboards with food supplies. He cooks Otabek a warm dinner. They eat and talk and joke around Otabek laughs really hard and it makes Yuri want to cry.

"Tell me if you ever need help again." He makes Otabek promise in the morning, tracking lazy circles on the smooth skin of Otabek's chest.

"I will." Otabek murmurs.

He does not.

***

So when Otabek doesn't appear at the Worlds Yurio packs his bags and flies to Almaty again. He founds Otabek in a flat full of children and with empty, empty eyes.

Otabek's mother died in December.

"Does it mean that you're retiring?" Yuri's voice trembles.

Otabek's voice is barely above a whisper. "How could I go on like this?"

During the remainder of the week he does whatever he can to make it easier - he looks after the children while Otabek is working and teaches the girls how ti braid their hair and fills the pockets of all Otabek's jackets with money.

"Don't do this again." Otabek says when Yuri comes back from the store with a bag full of toys and sweets and all kinds of things kids love that money can buy.

"Why?" his smile falls.

"Because they'll be disappointed once you leave." Otabek shakes his head.

Something in Yuri snaps. "One word and I'm staying."

Otabek, for once, doesn't say anything.

***

Yuri places first in the Grand Prix again next season. Katsudon and Viktor are out of their mind with joy - he's a legend. Jean Jacques Leroy wins a silver on his last competition and throws Yuri a bouquet of tulips before he leaves with his wife and daughter.

All of the strings inside Yuri are snapping just because...

It seems that everyone is moving on.

And he's stuck.

***

For Christmas he sends Otabek a care pack filled with everything he thinks a poor family of six may need, plus a big soft hoodie that costed him a fortune bit he couldn't resist it.

To his surprise, he finds a small brown paper package in his mailbox. It contains a woolen scarf with a tiger print.

Yuri books a ticket to Almaty inking the same night.

***

He appears in Otabek's flat with a Santa Claus hat and jumps on Otabek, tackling him in a kiss. Two of Otabek's sisters clap and squeal and Otabek blinks and looks at Yuri owlishly.

"Why did you come here?" Otabek whispers. "You need to practise."

"Skating be damned." Yuri whispers back and runs his fingers down Otabek's unshaved cheek. "I choose you."

Otabek's smile is the most beautiful thing in the world until he utters a single word.

"No."

***

"Yuri Plisetsky is dead." he whispers to himself before he takes the ice. Viktor looks at him like he understands.

Like he's saying "This is what it means to be a legend, darling."

Yuri wins the worlds. He throws the medal on the shelf with the others without as much as looking at it.

Maybe this was how Viktor would have ended up if Yuuri had said 'no.'

***

His last desperate visit to Almaty was in spring.

"Pick me up at the airport." he texts Otabek.

He doesn't.

***

It's not that Yuri doesn't understand. He understands that Otabek couldn't stand feeling like a burden. But he can stand to see Yuri crumbling.

***

For his free skate for the next season he uses Viktor's old version of Stammi Vicino.

It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't. It's definitely not a cry for help.

He flashes a fake grin into the camera as he wins: it's scary how easy fake smiles come to him.

"I think I understand why you did it." he says to Viktor that night.

Viktor grimaces "I'm terribly, terribly sorry to hear that."

***

Madame Baranovskaya choreographs a program for Yuri's last season on the ice. He names it Icarus - it fits. A man crashing down from the high. It's a performance that leaves everyone breathless - Yuri retires as a new god.

Katsudon and Viktor hug him after he descends from the podium.

"Can I come to Hasetsu?" he whispers through the tears

"Of course." Katsudon smiles. Their home had always been open to him ever since he first barged into it as a jealous boy.

***

He tells himself that it's okay. That he never expected his love story to have a happy ending.

He's lying.

The first evening after he comes to Hasetsu he cuts nearly all of his hair off. It's almost a buzzcut. He can't seem to recognize himself now - he hadn't even realized how long his hair had grown - nearly down to his waist. Without so much of it all of his features look sharper. He looks at the mirror and a stranger looks back.

It's time to get to know him.

He takes a new boy under their wing, a promising local boy who might be ready for the Grand Prix series next season. Viktor and Katsudon take over Yu-topia Akatsuki. Their life is as sweet as cinnamon.

It would be as sweet as cinnamon if there wasn't for that one fucking missing puzzle piece.

He doesn't see Otabek again.

***

"Fairytale endings don't exist." Yuri shrugs after his skater brings it up during training.

Katsudon passes by, and his wedding ring glints like it wants to remind Yuri that they do.

**Author's Note:**

> Oops.


End file.
